|Dateline: Paradise (Sept. 20, 2012)|
|Written by FREEMAN ROGERS|
|Wednesday, 19 September 2012 15:42|
“In promoting the need for up to date information and enhanced data collection,
the government of the Virgin Islands is joining its regional counterparts in celebrating Caribbean Statistics Day (CSD) in mid October. … Regarding this year’s activities, [Development Planning Unit Director Raymond] Phillips said the exhibition will showcase very interesting BVI statistics and visitors would appreciate the information being displayed.”
Inspired by the excitement surrounding next month’s Caribbean Statistics Day exhibition, other government agencies are jumping on the bandwagon.
The following exhibitions are planned in the coming months at the Central Administration Building. Be sure to sign up early: Thousands of enthusiastic residents are expected to attend.
What the heck is a BVI Business Company?
Good question! No one’s really sure, but everyone agrees that it feels really good own one.
If it didn’t, why would so many billionaires do it?
Next month, you don’t have to have a cent to experience the same feeling.
At the “High Roller” exhibition at the CAB, Corporate Registry staff will be on hand to help visitors create a real Business Company.
Participants will get all the benefits of registering — doing paperwork, reading complex legal jargon, consulting with highly paid lawyers and so on — but none of the drawbacks.
Ten minutes after their company is created, it will be automatically liquidated. And don’t worry: The United States’ Internal Revenue Service won’t notice a thing.
Did you know that the government writes thousands of receipts each month?
Amazed? Of course you are. When you get a receipt, you probably wad it up and put in the trash.
But you might be surprised to learn that government keeps a copy, too. And where, you ask, are all those receipts now?
Come find out in November, when the Treasury Department hosts the exhibition “Receipts: They’re Not Just Annoying Little Pieces of Paper that Take Up Space in your Pockets and Make a Mess when you do Laundry.”
The receipts on display on CAB walls will range from few-cent customs duty payments to $100,000-plus expenditures for major purchases.
Visitors will learn incredible facts. Did you know, for example, that a receipt for a few cents can be the same size as a receipt for a million dollars?
The exhibit will also feature receipts made out to famous people, including model Kate Moss and rapper Ludacris.
A “play bin” for children will be part of the display as well: The bouncy castle will be filled from top to bottom with wadded up receipts that are now null and void.
They’re so crazy!
“Can you tell me how to drive to St. John?”
“Please connect me to the president of the United States.”
“How do you get rid of planter warts?”
The above queries are just a few examples of the crazy things people ask when they call the government hotline, 494-3701.
Isn’t that hilarious? You’re probably dying to hear more. Now you can — live.
At the Telephone Services Management Unit’s “Ring, Ring; Who’s There?” exhibition in December, you’ll actually get a chance to answer the government phone while TSMU employees take a well deserved break.
But be warned: Callers say some pretty ridiculous stuff.
There’s no need to be nervous, though: No matter how you respond, you can rest assured that they’ll call back. Boy, will they ever call back.
If you have children, you’ve no doubt heard a familiar question plenty of times: “Mommy, what are apostilles?”
After all, what youngster isn’t fascinated by the stamps with which documents are legalised for use in another country?
Here in the Virgin Islands, of course, apostilles are administered by the Deputy Governor’s Office.
But rather than explaining such exciting details yourself, let the experts do it for you at the “Kids and Apostilles” exhibition at the CAB in January.
The bravest attendees will even get the chance to affix actual apostilles to outgoing documents — safely, of course, under the direct supervision of a trained professional.
The exhibit is sure to create memories that last a lifetime. Apostille-shaped chocolates will be available at the door for well-behaved attendees.
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.